Just came home from a wedding. Why does everyone let the DJ play the same dozen songs? The dance floor cliches.
-
Favourite thing I saw at Sydney Film Festival. Sadness, sorrow and simplicty.
-
If you’re not here, where the hell are you?
-
Obsessed. I miss Meg.
-
plays: 0
Man, I love this song. Sometimes, like too much of the time lately, I feel out of tune with the entire world.
-
Yep.
-
-
plays: 0
You wanna climb up the stairs,
I wanna push you back down.
But I let you inside,
So you can push me around.This song is so perfect, it’s like this glistening, throbbing melody wrapped around a jaded sense of defeat. Yet it somehow all feels so cathartic. It feels urgent and it feels numbing. Which is life. One minute you could burst apart, and the next you couldn’t care.
-
-
-
My flight was delayed today. To pass the time, I bought myself a copy of Sarah Silverman’s autobiography Bedwetter from the overpriced airport book store. I’m about halfway through it and it’s fantastic. It’s sharp and funny and heartbreaking. Silverman talks frankly about everything that happened to her growing up including depression and I just found the way she talked about it to be somehow both revelatory and totally relatable.
As I walked to the car, enduring Mom’s relentless camera flashes, a wave of… something…. washed over me, and instantly transformed who I was. It happened as fast as a cloud covering the sun. It was at once devastatingly real and terrifyingly intangible. I felt helpless, but not in the familiar bedwetting sense. As quickly and casually as someone catches the flu, I caught depression, and it would last for the next three years.
My stepfather, John O’Hara, was the goodest man there was. He was not a man of many words, but of carefully chosen ones. He was the one parent who didn’t try to fix me. One night I sat on his lap in his chair by the woodstove, sobbing. He just held me quietly and then asked only, “What does it feel like?” It was the first time I was prompted to articulate it. I thought about it, then said, “I feel homesick.” That still feels like the most accurate description - I felt homesick, but I was home.
